Becoming a person who says streamlining.

Right you lot, my life needs streamlining. In so far as I am starting a new job soon and I will be re-entering grown up life and the human race and my brain may be a little at sea for a while.
So, I am thinking that perhaps a daily blog will be a tad ambitious, my day job will soon involve words, lot's of them and I am thinking that my mind might hurt a little.
But I am feeling quite at home in blog land so an at least weekly blog will be my new offering. It will not be bridled by an exacting title as my other two have been,  it will be a foray into the unknown, changeable, diverse and well, whatever pops into my head really.
It will have the auspicious title of 'Random musings from a crowded brain.blogspot.com', and I can guarantee you that random will be the key word. Basically, I will be telling you noteworthy things that have been running around riotously in my head, whimsical thoughts from the dark depths, some philosophical nonsense and some good old fashioned banter.
Will it make me a better person as the other two blogs tried to? Not sure, but it will be of service to me, a turning of a key and opening the door kind of action. To you, a communication of sorts, an ongoing starting where we left off conversation.
So, stick around, have a nosey and I'll leave you with this one insight; think of it as a promise of things to come…….words make stories and stories make life and I really need a new pair of shoes if I am going to be streamlined (what does that mean anyway?).

Change #14….I can be such a b##ch.

We have no water, there is a blockage in the something and air in the thingy and we need a whatsit. It is boring and tedious and I don't actually care about the details, intricate or simple. I married a man that can cook, vacuum, is great with the kids and that has never expected me to be the stereotypical wife. But if the job needs more than a hammer, we are in trouble.  Power tools are not his friend and he will kill me for writing this but fixing stuff is just not his thing. 
I was not very nice about the water thing, in fact I was a down right you know what. Our two doors down neighbor is helping him in the dark right now (thanks buddy!) and he came with kit, a pump and tools and boy stuff. I can hear fixing noises and my husband is creating the illusion that he knows what he is doing (I am going to be in a world full of trouble for this blog). 
But well it's not all bad, because I do feel bad for putting him down and I will make an effort to change that. I will be happy and content in the fact that he is not a typical bloke and that he reads and can converse on topics other than sport and beer. He is a Dad that is more than present and put's us before rugby.  If there is no water in the morning I will still smile, tell him he did his best, practice my new improved attitude, and then quick as can be….. I will ring the biggest, blokiest and dumbest plumber that I can find. Change #14….I can be such a b##ch.

Change #13….A collaboration.

You all did good today, did you know that? You probably didn't even realize, why would you? You were all busy running around after kids, work, going to the dentist, walking the dog, doing goodness knows what. But, well you also took part in creating an unconscious change and you did all that by just reading my blog. You all pushed me to do something by reading my words.
I never expected to have an audience, but I did and I have and you have given me back my courage that had gotten lost somewhere along the way. You pushed me to do something that I otherwise would not have and it has paid off.
So good for you, while I have been bending over backwards for this change business you lot just hustle on in and as easy as that you have actually changed the course of my life. Thanks are in order, worldwide celebration can now take place and you can all feel wonderful. Change #13….A collaboration.

Change #12….Giving Dora the heave ho.

When did the TV become a babysitter? I remember when I was a kid and being allowed to watch a programme was a treat, a reward for good behavior, a privilege. The muppet show was the ultimate, it didn't get much better and I would tidy my room and eat my broccoli when I knew it was on. My mother owes a lot to Kermit the frog.
 But nowadays it's used as a tool to get work done, a mind zapping, calm inducing shrine of worship. The kids bow down to it's all encompassing power and we parents, scurry around putting our houses, lives and minds in order. Or we make a cup of tea and go back to bed.
We like to give it a name, 'down time', as if we think it's doing them good. Reading a book is 'down time', drawing a picture, talking to the cat…..TV is zombie time and nothing more.
I have three kids and the usual overloaded life, the Disney Channel and kid zone are my mates, my fall upon friends when it all hits the fan. Turn on the telly and down they flop, couch, beanbag, upside down, hanging off the back of a chair, wherever and whatever way, they chill. Add a bag of chips and I am sweet to do what should have, but hasn't, and what must, but couldn't, get done.
Now, I am not going to get totally crazy here, I am not going to start a riot, because God knows the little darlings are capable of civil unrest. I will be moderate and sensible and realistic and I will limit TV to a few shows in the afternoon. 
You may well scoff at my half pie change, but come on, if I had just announced that telly would be banned from our house, do you really think it would last? I'll answer that for you, no it would not, the kids would kick me out of the house and sell me to the circus. It would make a wonderful reality show, but well this is my life with three feral children and it is very, very real. Change #12….Giving Dora the heave ho.

Change #11….Yeah right.

We are a funny lot us New Zealanders. We are a bit backwards in the selling ourselves stakes and completely useless at compliments; giving and receiving. We are pretty good at a few things though. We are second to none with put downs, we are damned good at cutting one down to size and dab hands at sarcasm. We are the derogatory nation, so don't be getting big headed around here because you won't last a minute.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's all bad and it beats being a nation of self proclaiming, full of our own worth tossers. I mean the 'Yeah right' attitude can be golden…..but well, maybe just a little less, just a slight adjustment, a small tweak…….an incey change towards giving each other a pat on the back, a compliment without an aside added. Just now and again, once a day perhaps…..small baby steps are needed.
I will try, oh yes I will and I'm telling you now that the gauntlet of sarcasm was handed to me at birth, rather than a silver spoon. My family are bloody good at it, we thrive on one upminship, and live and die by our double edged sword. I can't promise you sweetness and light, but I will tone down the cynicism a notch and I might even tell you you look nice without pulling a face. 
So enjoy it while it lasts all, because I' m not sure if this change will stick…….but you never know. Change #11….Yeah right.

Change #10….Let them fall.

Today I let my 8 year old daughter canter around a paddock and jump a pony unaided by me. Why is this note worthy?  You may well ask. Well, in this day and age where kids are so wrapped up in cotton wool, bubble wrap and therefore themselves, this is something that some parents may say is irresponsible. I held my breathe, inwardly cringed and stopped myself from not looking. But, you know what, she was fine, more than fine, she was jubilant.
It's hard to let go of the reins, in this case literally. We want to have control, keep our kids from harm and shield them from disaster. But instead we are teaching them how to be reliant, frightened and feeble. Life and getting through it needs a certain toughness of character, an ability to fall off, get back on and start over. My daughter didn't fall off, but one day she will and I will let her, but I will also show her how to pick her self up, dust herself off and and smile in the face of it all. Change #10….Let them fall.

Change #9….A thematic moment.

I just read all of my entries for this blog and my other one in one foul swoop and I do believe that unbeknown to me a theme has appeared.  It gets quite a few mentions, more than the odd nod and a tad worryingly it seems to be an essential part of what makes Carly, Carly.
 It's life giving, mind calming, it makes me a nicer Mum, reminds me to breathe and it makes me sit down. My cup of tea.
But not just any cup of tea, it has to be a certain kind and I am quite fanatical about converting the masses to my choice of brew. This must mean that I have finally matured, that I am actually a grown up and that I am acquiring habits and rituals not unlike those of my Mother's. Gosh, that is pretty hard hitting and more than a little scary.
But anyway, let's take another track here, away from the cliff edge of middle age musings and I will let you in on my change. I've never really paid a heck of a lot of attention to where things come from even though I have seen all the terrible facts about child labour, environmental abuse etc etc and been disgusted etc etc.
 I just never took the next step to apply it to my own life, my own ideals and my daily cuppa. So, some research is needed. Where does my tea come from and is it ethically ok?  Right so give me a moment to trawl the internet………….go have a cup, actually no, look your brand up and see what you find. I'll race you……….
Five minutes has passed (did you do your homework?  Or look at Facebook instead? ). I am pleased to announce that I can rest easy that my daily dose is ethically good as gold (part of the ethical tea partnership) and yes, I did go further a field than just their own site. Thank goodness actually because changing my tea would have caused a major malfunction……It may have even pushed me to alcoholism. Time for a brew, I'm gasping, as my Mother would say.  Oh dear. What have I become? . Change #9….A thematic moment.

Change #8….A deviation.

I'm going to deviate today, because I can, (there is no blog boss as far as I know). So forgive me for this but well just read on and you will see. One of my jobs takes me past the door of a lady who has had a severe stroke. She is always in her chair and nine times out of ten her husband is in the chair beside her reading the newspaper, keeping his immobilized wife company.  I always say hello and when he is there I get a reply, otherwise not.
 It never fails to touch me, the mans obvious devotion to his wife; present in the way his chair is close, the blanket on her knees, a drink by her side, his expression is serene, his small glances at his wife, furtive. There is something about the whole scene that resonates with me. 
My mind often wanders for the next minute or so once I am past their door. I think on what their lives were like when they were young as I am now, I imagine them dancing, laughing, hoping and wishing, him handsome, her beautiful. Yes, I am creating an ideal, I am filling in the gaps with wishful thinking and air brushing their lives. I know, but for a moment I really can see it and it is wonderful and it makes me smile. We all need imaginings, lands at the back of cupboards and fairies at the bottom of the garden.
Today was like any other and I was going past their door, he was absent, she was in her chair. The blanket, the glass, the vacant, far away look of one who can't quite grasp onto the thing they once held close. I said hello and she raised her arm. She raised her arm with such defiant effort that I was struck with wonder, pain, and the joy of it all. Change #8….A deviation.

Change #7….Cringing at oneself.

People who enjoy supermarket shopping are odd. Spending a heap of money on things that generally last less than a week, knowing that you will forget the one thing that you desperately need is nothing short of mad. Then there's the trolleys, the children, the queues and the mind boggling array of toilet paper brands. All reasons to hate the horrendous but necessary act of feeding oneself and ones family. Supermarket enthusiasts are strange, I tell you or enlightened……..no, just plain odd.
That leads, (or drags) me to the days change. I warn you that I may fail on this one because not only do I have to food shop tomorrow, but now I also promise to read the labels. But why Carly? You all ask in simultaneous confusion. Well, because my family eats way too much stuff that has no basis in actual food and is heaped so heavily in chemicals, preservatives and coloring (why do kids like to eat orange food so much?). I am not and never aspire to be a food nazi, but a change is necessary as my cupboards are leaning more towards science than nutrition. And I kind of want to see how it feels to be a concerned about every aspect of my childs well being kind of mother (the italics mean you read that bit in a posh voice).
Yes, I will join the ranks of those annoying label readers, squinting at the teeny tiny small print, fosseting out and tracking down the baddies with wonderful names like hydrolyzed protein. I will be an informed consumer, a conscientious parent and I will annoy the heck out of myself in all my anality (not sure if that is an actual word, but it should be. It means really anal). Change #7….Cringing at oneself.

Change #6….Opting for the op shop.

When I look around me I see stuff. Lot's of it, cherished books that have been carted half way around the world, photos of my kids at various stages, that's the good stuff. Memories are necessary, momentos that are weighted with personal meaning, needed (just don't drop one on your foot).  But well, there is a lot of life garbage around me too, general clutter of accumulation and plenty of retail therapy residue….stuff. 
It's time to fight back against the barrage of modernity that tells us we must have this gadget and that bit of technology to be happy, functioning and cool. Enough is enough of stuff, I holler at my computer that I have been tempted to upgrade lately…..a tablet maybe or a slinky laptop…….No. I will focus on what I have rather than what I don't and for the next three weeks (2 weeks, too wimpy, 4, too impossible), I will buy nothing new.
 Second hand if I must, food and keeping my family alive stuff is allowed. But no bells and whistles, no stainless steel, shiny, latest model stuff. I reckon this could be a toughie. Change #5….Opting for the op shop.

Change #5….The Had it up to here Nation.

Right, so, the jar of change is filling nicely (suggestions for charity gladly accepted) and a cup of tea is sitting in front of me while I  consolidate myself for the busy week ahead. This might be my last chance to sit down and I am savoring it, my next 7 days are jam packed, 2 jobs, 3 kids, a zoo of high maintenance animals, house, husband and a job interview is the stress filled icing on the cake. Yikes, yikes and one more for good measure….yikes. 
My week is probably pretty similar to plenty of yours because we are a generation of nutters…….super busy, super stressed, trying to do everything, be everything but just ending up being really frazzled. How did it happen anyway? Who's idea was it to over achieve and become a mouse on a wheel. Who exactly are we all trying to please?  My mind is too full to even begin to think too deeply on this one, but I am sure of something, it needs to change. Not just for me either,  but for you and you and yip,  you over there too. I have your back, do you have mine?. 
Ok so, all together we are going to start right here, we are all (let's call ourselves the Had it up to here Nation) going to say "No". Now this might be hard at first because our mouths aren't used to uttering such a decisive word but it will get easier the more you do it. Now, all together…."NO!!" Add swear words, lot's of swear words, whatever works for you ("NO you mother f#*#*er" works for me). Ok great, so next time someone says "Would you mind……" just say no (without the exclamation mark and add ons) a simple no, with a smile, yes. An explanation. No.
 Now go forward in your forthrightness; delegate, cancel, decline and have a cup of tea for goodness sake before you do yourself an injury. Change #5….The Had it up to here Nation.

Change #4….the new bank.

As I write this, my friend is out in my paddock loading up a trailer with wood for her family. Her kid, nieces and nephews are patting the horses and exploring. Laughter and the sweet sound of hard work is drifting in through the open door. She wanted to pay, but I said no way. My horses graze in her Dad's paddocks for free and he has always extended a generous hand to me plus he's always up for a good chin wag (the best quality in my books).  I was happy to be finally paying him back for his good nature. 
It's an awesome economy this bartering one, far removed from our modern mentality and one which I vow to use as often as I can. Eggs, cakes, babysitting, whatever you can offer (and everyone has something), it's a win win really. It just takes a bit of trust and a bit of a shift in mindset. My mate keeps her family warm for the winter, my horses are fat and happy, it's all good. No money, no Mr. Bank man and a feeling of moving towards a more positive economy. Bartering is good for the soul. Change #4….the new bank.

Change #3….the unsquishy gift.

Valentines day….yuck. I don't do romantic and I don't do squishy (a Carlyism for hearts, flowers and all that mush). It is all rather nausea inducing and cringeworthy. But I do have a husband and I do get him a gift, because he is a bit squishy and he can be counted on to give me a present.
 This year I thought long and hard about what to get, I didn't want to get him more stuff that he doesn't need just for the sake of it. He is a simple and easy going soul who doesn't need much of anything to be happy, which is particularly tricky when presents are generally lot's of nothing,  stuff that is frivolous and unnecessary.
 I decided to get him a tree, a fruit tree, a mandarin, to be exact. Something that is useful, clean and green and actually produces yumminess and oxygen even. Then I took that thought one step further and decided that hey,  I  could always gift a tree or a plant, imagine how much less stuff that would be in my little world. Less packaging, teeny tiny carbon footprint and environmentally wonderful and pretty. Heck,why not get crazy and extend that thought to its idealistic limit, imagine if everybody did that. Now that would be cool, gardens would abound and green fingers would touch us all.
But I'll stop getting carried away now, because goodness knows I can and look at it as it is, a tree, a change and one less box of chocolates or red boxer shorts or whatever the heck squishy romantic people buy on Valentines day. Change #3….the unsquishy gift.

Change#2…."If I hear one more person"….

Hands up if you're a racist. Not many hands up I am guessing and that's not just because I surround myself with the best kind of people but because we don't regard ourselves in that way and most definitely don't relate to that label.  But everyday I encounter racist remarks, asides and situations. We just don't realize we are doing it or putting up with it. Oh, and if you did put your hand up, go read 'Long walk to freedom' then come back to me.
We are great at laughing things off, brushing things aside, all the while overlooking a glaring truth; that listening to racist comments and not pulling someone up on it is in itself racist. I did it today. The usual, passing the time of day conversation, the kids, the weather, a few jokes, light banter and then the person dropped in a racist remark. It was a dead weight, a black cloud, an elephant had entered the room. It was nothing new, completely run of the mill, you've heard it all before good old kiwi provincialism. I clocked it, took it in and (I'm ashamed to admit it) continued. I chose to ignore it rather than make the other person feel uncomfortable.
Well, from now on I intend to make people feel uncomfortable. I intend to make people feel really embarrassed or angry or whatever….but mostly I just want them to stop and think and where possible, feel. Because I sure feel uncomfortable with accepting the unacceptable. I will try really hard not to worry if they are older than me, someone that I should look up to or watch my manners around, being blasé about racism for the sake of a quiet life just won't cut it anymore.
So there you have it, consider me changed and yip, I guess you can now put me in the same category that annoying opinionated and forever lecturing people inhabit. (And for those of you who put their hands up, it's by Nelson Mandela….go look him up). Change#2…."If I have to hear one more person"….

Change#1….The jar of change.

I thought I would start off small and work my way up, so, after some thought I have come up with my first mission. Yip, a small change that is to do with small change. 
 I pretty much never give to charity, always concluding that I can't afford to. But, actually, if I can have a few luxuries here and there, then I can afford to give, most people can really, if we look at it closely enough. This is all about making a change right? Right. So, a dedicated jar, to small change…whenever I am given coins or find them in pockets when doing the washing, or down the black hole of lost things at the back of the sofa…..in it goes. A whole month of small change towards change.  Will I miss those coins? Not likely and I'm hoping to be surprised by the amount accumulated and looking forward to a lighter purse and conscience. Change#1….The jar of change. 

Carly's daily act of change starts….tomorrow!

So, a daily act of change is my challenge. We all talk about the things that annoy us, frustrate, sadden and scare us about the world….but do little in the way of action to initiate change. I'm not out to save the world but I do want to do more, put ideals into action and frustration into fulfillment.
 A bit of anarchy might be necessary, old habits shot out of the water and conscience over convenience considered. Heated discussions will hopefully occur and a dialogue begun. Chaos, disagreements and a bit of head scratching are bound to show their faces too. Carly's daily act of change starts….tomorrow!